My Prodigal Son

I haven't written for quite awhile, but unless I am moved there is no sense in it.

I was thinking about the journey that my son Josh and I have made together the past 34 years of his life. We've been through so many transitions, disappointments, joys and sorrows together that we can read each other well.

I was a single mother for much of his life and so we have always been closer than most out of necessity. We overcame so many obstacles it seemed like it was always us against the world. I made the mistake of including him in most of my thought processes through my own trials and tribulations, rather than shielding him from my own misgivings. I should have let him be a child for longer than I did. For that I am sorry. He had to grow up faster than he should have.

When I moved back to South Carolina to marry Tony, he stayed behind in Port St Lucie for a while which was hard. He moved here for a little while, but then went on his way to Oregon for four long years. I thought I would crumble into nothingness. The year before he was born, I lost his sister as an infant on July 4th, the only day of her life I dared to be away from her. As a divorced mom, when Josh would go to visit his dad by airplane or car, I would have to run into the closest bathroom and was physically ill. The separation anxiety was overwhelming and although I can now leave him easier without the bouts of nausea, it still affects me.

Josh has grown to be an amazing, talented, respectful and wonderful man, certainly not because of me but in spite of me and I am so proud of him.

I have come to the realization that God always knows what he is doing and that Josh needed to be away from me for those four years to grow into who he is mentally, physically and spiritually. I am so blessed to have this opportunity in my life to be his mother. I can see day by day that the tides are turning and I am in a position to learn so much from him. I know that parents always want more for their children than they want for themselves, and I want that for him. I am lucky that he is a son who is not ashamed to let people know how close we are and I know that he respects my opinion whether he agrees with me or not.

He relocated to the east coast this past spring, and now I can get to him in a matter of hours if need be and soon Tony and I will be relocating to be even closer. Unlike the prodigal son of the bible, who lost himself in the real world until he realized where his true home was, Josh had to go into the real world to find himself realizing where his true home is.